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Committing To The Success Of Your Marriage

According to a recent survey conducted by the University of Denver and cited on Insider.com, the #1 cause of divorce in the U.S. as cited by the respondents was a lack of commitment from one or both spouses.

I’ve heard many of my own acquaintances echo a similar theme when explaining why their marriages failed: “We just weren’t on the same page,” or “We had different goals.”

We’ve all heard the term, “Behind every great man is a great woman,” and of course, the reverse holds true as well. “Behind every great woman is a great man.” The implication is when a couple can come together and work together; the results can be exponential – the whole being greater than the sum of the parts.

Unfortunately, you can also peg failure on an unsupportive spouse. It’s hard to achieve a dream or goal without a supportive spouse – even less so with one that fights you the whole time. Being unsupported is a common issue that most marriages experience at one time or another, and how couples handle the situation when it arises can make or break their relationship.

Besides the usual one partner not upholding their end of the chores or work around the house bargain, partners feeling unsupported is often associated with one partner not appreciating the other person’s dreams – even finding them a waste of time even if it means breaking the other person’s heart. An unsupportive spouse can seriously hamper the person with dreams and ambitions. It’s hard to light a fire when the other person is constantly throwing water on it.

You want to get your spouse on the same page so you can achieve your dreams together, but the first step is to recognize the signs of an unsupportive spouse before making a plan to change the path of your relationship.

Here are the most common signs:

  • There’s no free time left for you.
  • You have to make all the important decisions.
  • Your dreams aren’t worthy enough.
  • Your spouse is unfair, unreliable, and unpredictable.
  • Their accusing finger always points toward you.
  • Consistent anxiety and stress.
  • The urge to go on strike.
  • The constant feeling of being misunderstood.

So, you’ve established that you’re not being supported in your marriage or your dreams. There are steps for finding a resolution to the problem, but most of the work will rest on your shoulders.

According to marriagemeansmoore.com, here are steps to consider for overcoming the quandary of being unsupported:

Polish Your Coping Skills – 

Don’t let the other person’s actions affect your mental health. The point isn’t to shield yourself from the other person’s actions; it’s about clarifying things for yourself. Once you step back and take a deep breath, you can have more clarity and move on to create a better future for yourself.

Reach Out to Your Support Network – 

Don’t feel like your troubling loved ones or friends you’re reaching out to for support. Most will be happy to help. Besides, their moral support will be necessary to help you make the next few life changes.

Analyze the Reasons for Feeling Unsupported in Your Marriage – 

Before articulating to your partner why you feel unsupported, it’s important to understand in your head why you’re feeling that way.

Ask Yourself if Your Goals Are Attainable – 

Be realistic with yourself. Ask yourself if your dreams are realistic. If the shoe were on the other foot and your spouse was coming to you to support their dream, would you support them or think it was hair-brained?

Embrace the Struggle – 

If you’re looking to reestablish your relationship with your partner, then embrace the struggles that go along with it. Your joy will be more full when you accomplish your goal.

Have the Hard Talk – 

Recognize that the road to understanding each other requires a first step. Realize that you’ll eventually get there once you realize the importance of having this hard talk.

Listen – Understand – Validate – 

The most valuable tool for getting the other person to listen to and understand you and validate your hopes, feelings, and dreams is to show them how by listening, understanding, and validating their hopes, feelings, and dreams.

Be Open to Change Your Goals, Behavior, and Approach – 

If your goal is to get on the same page as your spouse, it might take adjusting your position to find a middle ground.

Be Proactive – 

This is where you’ll need to get your hands dirty. Here are some active steps you can take to accelerate your relationship’s growth to get on the same page.

  • Seek Out Mentors. Experienced coaches and mentors have the experience and may have the tools you need and have been looking for to take your relationship to the next level.
  • Share Your Vision. Share your vision and be clear with your objectives. A clear picture might be all your spouse needs to support your goals.
  • Address Their Concerns. By addressing your partner’s concerns, you might find out you weren’t so far apart after all.
  • Reassure Them. Supporting your spouse in their support of you is a way of showing your partner love and that this whole business of chasing dreams is not a one-way street.
  • Plan And Set Goals Together. A couple that plans together stays together because they stay on the same path to achieving their goals and objectives.
  • Support Their Goals And Encourage Their Dreams. Sometimes you need to understand that marriage is a negotiation. Getting what you want often involves giving what your partner wants. If you want them to support your goal, start by supporting their goals or encouraging their dreams.
  • Experience New Ventures. All the plans in the world don’t mean a thing if you don’t turn them into actions. Experiencing and accomplishing new ventures by starting small and getting more ambitious will strengthen your marriage and your marriage goals and dreams.
  • Discover New Couples Who Are Successful To Spend Time With. Seek out couples who have figured out how to make it all work. You can only gain from these new associations.
  • Discuss The Progress Of Your Relationship With Each Other And With Others. Self and third-party evaluations of the state of your relationship and the status of your goals are essential to staying on the path of marital success.

Getting on the same page with your spouse is not easy, but the potential rewards can be substantial. Imagine, instead of dysfunction, having a finely tuned marriage machine capable of accomplishing anything.

 

MIKE AYALA

MIKE AYALA

Mike Ayala has owned and operated mobile home parks since 2007, and has been active in construction and management since he was 15 years old. He graduated from the Associated Builders and Contractors 4-year project management program at age 22 and then became a licensed instructor. He is also the host of the Investing for Freedom podcast.